In this project, we have been mostly focusing on the dietary aspects of fasting, but most Christians are well-aware that the discipline of fasting regulates a variety of activities - such as prayer, sleep, entertainment. It is not uncommon, for example, that people choose to forego movies or concerts during Lent specifically as an expression of fasting. One activity which is often mentioned in connection to fasting is marital relations - that is to say, sex.
The problem with sex is that it is usually not discussed in polite society. Some pastors do mention on occasion that “spouses should abstain” before Communion and during fasting periods, but not all pastors broach the subject, and those that do, prudently refrain from going into any detail. Thus, it is not altogether uncommon that some new converts do not find out that they should abstain from sex on the evening before Communion until months or even years later. Perhaps, such things should be obvious, but are not always or to all.
The scriptural basis for the practice of abstinence is known well enough; it is the Apostle Paul’s First Epistle to the Corinthians, chapter 7, verse 5:
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
In a truly Eve-ish manner, this admonition is often interpreted to mean that spouses should abstain from sex during the fasts of the Church. Protopresbyter Alexander Lebedev, a long-time rector of the Holy Transfiguration Cathedral in Los Angeles, California, tells a story from his seminary days. Already married, seminarian Alexander rented a house from a lady who lived near the seminary. This well-meaning and God-fearing lady offered to him and his wife the following word of advice concerning sex: it is not allowed on Sunday, because it is the Day of the Lord; it is not allowed on Monday, because it is the day of the bodiless hosts (bodiless being the key word here); it is not allowed on Tuesday, because it is the eve of a fasting day; it is not allowed on Wednesday, because it is a fasting day, not on Thursday or Friday either for the same reasons; and neither is it allowed on Saturday, because it is the eve of Sunday, which is the Day of the Lord. Whether or not this story happened exactly the way Father Alexander recollects, it accurately conveys the attitude of some pious people toward sex. The direct meaning of Paul’s instruction, however, is the exact opposite. Paul does not say to abstain; rather, quite literally, he says not to abstain: “defraud ye not one the other.” The apparent problem that Paul is addressing is not that the Corinthians had too much sex, but that they were practicing too much abstinence.
The following is Father Alexander’s explanation of some of the rules concerning marital relations and fasting. Perhaps, some may find it useful.
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